Alternate post titles for today:
Blogging in absentia...
Tales from the trailer...
Screaming from the hinterland...
So here I am sitting in my trailer. I have taken Toddy's advice and now I am embracing the trailer. Things could be a lot worse.
Here are some of the positives: I have privacy; I'm not living with anybody else so I can still lounge in my unders. This is a very nice trailer; it is new, has all the comforts I need including a queen sized bed. I have my mattress pad and my blanket and pillows and I am set. There is a big fridge, microwave, and the bathroom works. I don't have to go to the big house to... you know.
Now that I have painted a big old rosy picture, here are some of the negatives: IT’S IN FOREST GROVE!!!!!! This is place where I lived my whole adult life. I left this place last year when I decided to start over. And now I'm back... (NOOOOOO) There is a limited amount of space in the um... poo tank. (sorry) You know, I'm sitting here trying to come up with things that are wrong, but I can't. The biggest issue is the location. But it’s temporary until I find a place in the city.
Speaking of that, I had an appointment on Thursday at 7:00 to look at an apartment in NW. I got there at 6:55 and there was a note on t he door saying the apartment was rented. WTF That kind of sucked, but then since I was downtown anyways, I met Toddy for a drink or two(ish). The best part about the apartment was the name of the building. It was called "The Winona". Ha! I really wanted to be living in the Winona building, it just sounds gay to me. I will keep up the search until I find something downtown that I like.
Last night (sat) was a fun time. I took my oldest brother out for dinner. He is recently single and ready to move on. So I told him we could have an early dinner because I had to meet some friends at 8:00. We couldn't decide where to eat, and the one place we wanted to go to was closed. So I suggested we go to Hobo's. It is a gay bar, but it is very nice and classy. They have a piano and everything! He said he was ok with that so we had dinner there. It was very good, as always. We had a 2 drinks a piece and then I offered to show him where I always hang out, not thinking he would take me up on it. ( CCs is right around the corner for Hobo's) He said he didn't mind as long as no one tried to grope him. I assured him he was safe and had t warn him not to look at the TVs. Gay porn makes the straights uncomfortable. Pussies. We went inside and Todd and Marilyn were already there. I introduced them all and then we had a drink and a shot. The shot is called "cum in a hot tub" and it looks nasty. Tastes good, but the name and the look are nasty. Then I took him home and came back to the bar.
Here is where the real fun began. I was already a little buzzed from the first 4 drinks so of course I opened a tab. Andrew was there and so was Kel. (god he is hot) I am becoming increasingly impaired s the night went on, and then it happened: Bolivia Carmichaels came out as the hostess for the evening. The Thursday before I had seen what she looks like as a dude. Not bad a t all, but he didn't knock my socks off. I am totally in love with Bolivia. It really freaks me out. I remember having this same conversation with each of my friends: "How can I be attracted to him as woman? I'm gay, I swear!" They all assured me it was ok, maybe it was the personality of Bolivia that attracted me. Maybe. Whatever it was was strong. Around 10:00ish Todd and Marilyn went home. I almost left too, since I can be a little dependent on others, but I decided not to. Andrew was still there waiting for a friend, so I stayed.
I was siting at the end of the bar and then she came and sat next to me for a drink of water. It was her! My Bolivia. I admit that I was a little drunk at this point, but not as drunk as I would be later. I reached out and touched her leg and leaned over and said you are so attractive. Can you drink while you work? She said yes and so I bought her a drink, and me another one too. Can't have anyone drink alone. It wouldn't be polite. I can't remember everything that happened after that, so its next part may be a little sketchy.
Andrew's friend came and they went in to the rainbow room where its quieter. I could see them from my barstool and I would wave occasionally. Bolivia did her hosting thing, and came back to sit with me and talk. She motioned over a really cute guy named Jeffery to sit with us and he did for a while. I remember going in to say hi to Andrew a few times. I bought a cum in a hot tub for Bolivia and Jeffery, but then I couldn't find her. I finally tracked her down and brought her back to drink. I got lots of hugs.
It is possible that I embarrassed myself. I remember towards the end of the night she said she had to work and I was monopolizing her time. So I went to sit with Andrew and drink water because I had to drive home... to BFE! There was no stool next to him, so I leaned on the bar and tried to stay upright. Ha I told him that I had talked with several people all by myself and that he should be proud of me. (he chastises me for not talking with people very much) I stayed for another hour or so until I sobered up some. Some of the other bartenders were there drinking with Andrew and I remember asking several of them individually if they would remember me next time. Will you remember my name? They all said yes. Then as I said goodbye and headed for the door, there was Bolivia again. So I went up and said I was going home and I asked for a kiss. She said a little one because she was wearing makeup. I said but I never kissed a boy before, you could be my first. She said if she wasn't wearing makeup she would give me one hell of a kiss. I got my little kiss and a hug and then I asked her if she would remember me next time. She sad how could she forget me. Another hug, then a 30 fucking mile drive home.
What a great night.... the end
Monday, October 16, 2006
Tuesday, October 10, 2006
Small things
It's funny to me how sometimes small things can make such a big impact. It's not a big secret that I have had a rough few days since my kids left. I have been a little mopey :) and maybe sounded a bit whiney. Well today was no different. Yesterday afternoon after lunch I got quiet. I don't think I said 10 words the rest of the day. I was just depressed. This morning started out the same way. Maybe it's because I was tired. Who knows?
Then around 10:30 this morning I got a text message from "Toddy the wonderful" saying "happy hour at CCs tonight". I answered back that I would be there. It took a little while, but the blue funk that was surrounding me lifted. My afternoon has been great. My co-workers are savvy to my mood swings now. It's so much better when things are good.
So right now I am feeling upbeat and looking forward to CCs. I hope I can convince Toddy to stay for Karaoke with me. At least for a little while. It's no fun alone.
Oh yeah... there's one more thing I can share. I spent the last week at my mom's house with my kids, and then I moved into the trailer. I have been afraid of anyone noticing the "trailer a rockin'" so I have been chaste for longer than I wanted to be. Last night I didn’t care about the "rocking'" and practiced the art of self love, a skill which I have mastered. I don't know if the "trailer was a rockin'" or not, and I don't care. I had a much better sleep last night! I think I will just go back to the old routine.
Maybe that has something to do with my mood too... :)
Then around 10:30 this morning I got a text message from "Toddy the wonderful" saying "happy hour at CCs tonight". I answered back that I would be there. It took a little while, but the blue funk that was surrounding me lifted. My afternoon has been great. My co-workers are savvy to my mood swings now. It's so much better when things are good.
So right now I am feeling upbeat and looking forward to CCs. I hope I can convince Toddy to stay for Karaoke with me. At least for a little while. It's no fun alone.
Oh yeah... there's one more thing I can share. I spent the last week at my mom's house with my kids, and then I moved into the trailer. I have been afraid of anyone noticing the "trailer a rockin'" so I have been chaste for longer than I wanted to be. Last night I didn’t care about the "rocking'" and practiced the art of self love, a skill which I have mastered. I don't know if the "trailer was a rockin'" or not, and I don't care. I had a much better sleep last night! I think I will just go back to the old routine.
Maybe that has something to do with my mood too... :)
Monday, October 09, 2006
I need some practice
At a lot of things, but today lets talk about batting. While the boys were here, we went to Bullwinkles Fun Shack (or whatever its called). Since it was a weekday, there were hardly any kids there. The best way to go to a kids place. I bought the full package: mini golf, go karts, laser tag, batting cages, and lots of video games. The batting cages were my downfall.
Who knew I would be so horrible at batting. I mean, I know I always struck out in school, adding to my shame of being alive at the time. But I thought if I kept my eye on the ball, now that I'm older and know these things, I would do ok. I was terribly, embarasingly wrong.
We each got 50 balls. Matt, the younger one, went nuts with his and hit a few. There were really no expectations for him other than to have a good time, it's not his thing at all. But he had fun. Sam on the other hand was brilliant. WTF! I thought he would maybe hit a few and have some fun. But no, all I hear from his cage (convieniently located right next to mine) was "thunk....thunk...thunk..." You get the idea. He was a fucking natural. He was having a great time. It made me happy to see him succeed that way.
Cut to me... I was awful. I thought every swing would knock it out of the park, and I was so surprised each time I missed the ball. It is embarrasing to admit, but I will anyway, out of the 50 balls that came my way, I tick fouled 2 of them... and sent one ball forward. Thats it. Out of 50 balls, I hit one.
This greatly amused Sam, and added to his enjoyment of the occasion. I heard this a few times "Where am I getting this from? It sure isn't from you." "Jeez dad, I knew you were gay, but you really suck." Then he had a wonderful time telling the guys at the go kart track how bad I sucked.
Sidenote: These guys were fucking gorgeous, early 20's, kind of geeky, great bodies. It was hard not to check them out whith my kids around. I tried to be discrete, but I think Sam caught me. I looked over once and he was smirking at me. Oops.
Anyways, we had a great time. I miss them so much. My batting abilities have me concerned about next srping though. I planned on joining the softball league with Toddy, but holy cow, I need some practice first.
Who knew I would be so horrible at batting. I mean, I know I always struck out in school, adding to my shame of being alive at the time. But I thought if I kept my eye on the ball, now that I'm older and know these things, I would do ok. I was terribly, embarasingly wrong.
We each got 50 balls. Matt, the younger one, went nuts with his and hit a few. There were really no expectations for him other than to have a good time, it's not his thing at all. But he had fun. Sam on the other hand was brilliant. WTF! I thought he would maybe hit a few and have some fun. But no, all I hear from his cage (convieniently located right next to mine) was "thunk....thunk...thunk..." You get the idea. He was a fucking natural. He was having a great time. It made me happy to see him succeed that way.
Cut to me... I was awful. I thought every swing would knock it out of the park, and I was so surprised each time I missed the ball. It is embarrasing to admit, but I will anyway, out of the 50 balls that came my way, I tick fouled 2 of them... and sent one ball forward. Thats it. Out of 50 balls, I hit one.
This greatly amused Sam, and added to his enjoyment of the occasion. I heard this a few times "Where am I getting this from? It sure isn't from you." "Jeez dad, I knew you were gay, but you really suck." Then he had a wonderful time telling the guys at the go kart track how bad I sucked.
Sidenote: These guys were fucking gorgeous, early 20's, kind of geeky, great bodies. It was hard not to check them out whith my kids around. I tried to be discrete, but I think Sam caught me. I looked over once and he was smirking at me. Oops.
Anyways, we had a great time. I miss them so much. My batting abilities have me concerned about next srping though. I planned on joining the softball league with Toddy, but holy cow, I need some practice first.
Today in my life...
So here I am, after a long unpleasant weekend, ready to share with you again.
I thought about doing this over the weekend, but it would have been pretty down and filled with self pity. I know there are those out there who don’t like it when I write like that, but damn it, sometimes that’s how you feel. I am doing much better nowadays, I have way more good days than bad days. So, if you don’t want to hear whining, stop reading.
Last week my boys were here to see me. They are supposed to be here on Sunday, but they didn’t show up until after midnight on Monday. A whole day I missed. They left about 11:00 Friday night. I got a whole 4 days with them. Granted, it’s better than not seeing them, but it was too fucking short.
I spent the whole week before getting ready to move and moving. A very tiring endeavor. By the time I was done, I was too tired to realize I didn’t have my own place anymore. I stayed last week at my mom’s house with the boys. It was great for all. She fed them well and of course over did it as a grandma is like to do.
They left late Friday night, Saturday morning I had to work. When I was done, I went back to my mom’s to get what little stuff I had and move it to my brother’s house where I was going to be staying. They were out of town taking the new trailer on its maiden voyage. I stayed in the house Saturday night and moved into the trailer on Sunday.
Saturday evening is when things started to go downhill. I took a nap after getting up early to work, and when I woke up it hit me. I am in my brother’s house, and I have nothing. All my possesions are stored in a small little storage room. I don’t have my own place. I don’t have a place to go to. I want to go home, but there is no home. I think I made a big mistake.
I went to CCs for a drink and Andrew kept asking me what was wrong. I didn’t want to talk about it. I sat by Kel and played the video game. I wasn’t very talkative and I am afraid that I may have come off as rude to him. Plus, now I am kicking myself for passing up an opportunity to speak with one of the inner circle on a one on one basis. That was a mistake.
Today is a better day, but I think it is because I am so busy. I don’t know what will happen after work. I wish I had more time to polish this up.
Until next time…
I thought about doing this over the weekend, but it would have been pretty down and filled with self pity. I know there are those out there who don’t like it when I write like that, but damn it, sometimes that’s how you feel. I am doing much better nowadays, I have way more good days than bad days. So, if you don’t want to hear whining, stop reading.
Last week my boys were here to see me. They are supposed to be here on Sunday, but they didn’t show up until after midnight on Monday. A whole day I missed. They left about 11:00 Friday night. I got a whole 4 days with them. Granted, it’s better than not seeing them, but it was too fucking short.
I spent the whole week before getting ready to move and moving. A very tiring endeavor. By the time I was done, I was too tired to realize I didn’t have my own place anymore. I stayed last week at my mom’s house with the boys. It was great for all. She fed them well and of course over did it as a grandma is like to do.
They left late Friday night, Saturday morning I had to work. When I was done, I went back to my mom’s to get what little stuff I had and move it to my brother’s house where I was going to be staying. They were out of town taking the new trailer on its maiden voyage. I stayed in the house Saturday night and moved into the trailer on Sunday.
Saturday evening is when things started to go downhill. I took a nap after getting up early to work, and when I woke up it hit me. I am in my brother’s house, and I have nothing. All my possesions are stored in a small little storage room. I don’t have my own place. I don’t have a place to go to. I want to go home, but there is no home. I think I made a big mistake.
I went to CCs for a drink and Andrew kept asking me what was wrong. I didn’t want to talk about it. I sat by Kel and played the video game. I wasn’t very talkative and I am afraid that I may have come off as rude to him. Plus, now I am kicking myself for passing up an opportunity to speak with one of the inner circle on a one on one basis. That was a mistake.
Today is a better day, but I think it is because I am so busy. I don’t know what will happen after work. I wish I had more time to polish this up.
Until next time…
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Remember me?
My God, has it really been two weeks since I last blogged? I have been pretty busy lately, and I’ll admit it, a little lazy too.
I am officially out of my apartment now. I finished cleaning it up last Sunday. My God, my legs hurt, living on the third floor was great except for the packing everything up and down three flights of stairs.
My whole life is shut up in a 7 ½’ x 10’ storage room. That’s a little depressing. Too see how little I actually have at this stage in my life. It’s like a basketball or football team that sucks, I’m in a rebuilding year. I will come out of this better than before. I am trying very hard to keep myself up and happy.
The good news is that my boys are here for this week. Unfortunately, they are only here until Friday night, and they didn’t get here until midnight Monday. I am supposed to get more time with them, but I am not the one making the plane reservations. I talked with the ex about this, and she didn’t give me a good enough answer. I decided to let it go for now so I can concentrate on having a good time with the boys. I am taking off Thursday and Friday of this week. I’m not sure what we will be doing yet, but just being with them is enough for me.
I haven’t been out for a while, and I won’t go out again until this weekend maybe. I did go to karaoke last week. Marilyn and Karel (sp) were there involved in a conversation. I didn’t want to (or know how to) interrupt them so I played the little video game at the bar. Then I noticed that Toddy had come in sat with them and they were having a good time with there conversation, so I waited until I could find a good time to ingratiate myself into their threesome. When they got up to sit at a table, I made my move and joined them. Of course they welcomed me, and then Andy and Derek showed up too. I really felt like an interloper then. I got the impression that they had all planned on getting together that night, but I wasn’t part of the plan.
I was quiet as usual, but I did speak occasionally. They all were very nice to me, and included me in the conversations. I still felt like I was intruding on them. It is very hard to join into a fully formed group of people. They all have such a history together. I wish I had that, I will have that some day.
While I was playing the video game there was a guy sitting next to me who was a little bit… “off”. I’m sure he was a nice guy, but not someone I would ever talk too or be around. Andrew asked if I wanted him to get rid of the guy, and I said no. After he left Andrew told me that I didn’t have to be nice to a guy if I don’t like him. But I could never do that. Be rude to someone for no reason. He didn’t do anything wrong or bad, he was just a little creepy (not the best word, but I can’t think of another one)
The later when Toddy was there, Andrew and I were talking about it again and I asked Todd his opinion, but Andrew said he was just like me, he couldn’t be mean to someone no matter what. That is one of the things I really love about Toddy. But then my inner voice (the fucker) said maybe I am like the creepy guy to Toddy. He is just too nice to tell me to go away. That’s probably not the case, but the voice, the voice is very powerful. I am not going to let it keep me from going back to CC’s. I will go out again. I really need to do something away from the bar though. I want to hang out with people somewhere else. It will happen… sometime…
I gotta work now… it’s very busy all the sudden.
I am officially out of my apartment now. I finished cleaning it up last Sunday. My God, my legs hurt, living on the third floor was great except for the packing everything up and down three flights of stairs.
My whole life is shut up in a 7 ½’ x 10’ storage room. That’s a little depressing. Too see how little I actually have at this stage in my life. It’s like a basketball or football team that sucks, I’m in a rebuilding year. I will come out of this better than before. I am trying very hard to keep myself up and happy.
The good news is that my boys are here for this week. Unfortunately, they are only here until Friday night, and they didn’t get here until midnight Monday. I am supposed to get more time with them, but I am not the one making the plane reservations. I talked with the ex about this, and she didn’t give me a good enough answer. I decided to let it go for now so I can concentrate on having a good time with the boys. I am taking off Thursday and Friday of this week. I’m not sure what we will be doing yet, but just being with them is enough for me.
I haven’t been out for a while, and I won’t go out again until this weekend maybe. I did go to karaoke last week. Marilyn and Karel (sp) were there involved in a conversation. I didn’t want to (or know how to) interrupt them so I played the little video game at the bar. Then I noticed that Toddy had come in sat with them and they were having a good time with there conversation, so I waited until I could find a good time to ingratiate myself into their threesome. When they got up to sit at a table, I made my move and joined them. Of course they welcomed me, and then Andy and Derek showed up too. I really felt like an interloper then. I got the impression that they had all planned on getting together that night, but I wasn’t part of the plan.
I was quiet as usual, but I did speak occasionally. They all were very nice to me, and included me in the conversations. I still felt like I was intruding on them. It is very hard to join into a fully formed group of people. They all have such a history together. I wish I had that, I will have that some day.
While I was playing the video game there was a guy sitting next to me who was a little bit… “off”. I’m sure he was a nice guy, but not someone I would ever talk too or be around. Andrew asked if I wanted him to get rid of the guy, and I said no. After he left Andrew told me that I didn’t have to be nice to a guy if I don’t like him. But I could never do that. Be rude to someone for no reason. He didn’t do anything wrong or bad, he was just a little creepy (not the best word, but I can’t think of another one)
The later when Toddy was there, Andrew and I were talking about it again and I asked Todd his opinion, but Andrew said he was just like me, he couldn’t be mean to someone no matter what. That is one of the things I really love about Toddy. But then my inner voice (the fucker) said maybe I am like the creepy guy to Toddy. He is just too nice to tell me to go away. That’s probably not the case, but the voice, the voice is very powerful. I am not going to let it keep me from going back to CC’s. I will go out again. I really need to do something away from the bar though. I want to hang out with people somewhere else. It will happen… sometime…
I gotta work now… it’s very busy all the sudden.
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