Randomness...

First of all, I need to start with a picture. I found this surfing a couple of days ago on the Live Journal picture page (it’s in my list of links). I could, and do, waste hours refreshing this page. I’m kind of a voyeur I guess. Any ways... I saw this and it made me laugh, really hard. And now each time I open it and see it again, I laugh just as hard. Maybe it’s just me, it makes me smile.




I hard to work again today at the second job. And this time I loaded a bunch of Todd & Pony shows on my ipod so I was ready. There each about an hour long, so the time really passed quickly. Again I was laughing all by myself in a quiet room, but at least no one else was there today to hear me.

While I was driving home I was thinking about making a blog entry, and here are some of my thoughts: when I first started this, and for a long time after, I assumed that I was the only one reading it. So it didn’t matter to me if I put down whatever was in my head. Usually it was depressing things, occasionally upbeat, but not often. Then people started reading it and commenting on what I was saying. Then, I lost my internet connection and stopped blogging for a while, and now no one is commenting anymore. So I don’t know if anyone is even reading this anymore. I haven’t been posting a lot lately, I don’t want all my post to be moody and whiny. I’m afraid it will turn people off and they won’t read anymore.

But, I should just forget that, and go back to putting down my thought and what I’m going through. Since I don’t have a person in my life I can talk to about deep issues, this is kind of my way of getting things out of me, like talking with a friend.

On that note, softball season is here. I have been saying since last summer when the season ended that I would sign up this year and play. It sounded like a good idea at the time. But now I have to actually do it. The first meet and greet is today at 4:00. I have to go and be the new person around a bunch of strangers. Toddy will be there, but I don’t want to just hang on to him. It wouldn’t be fair to him. I mean I do want to hang on to him, but I know better.

I am very nervous about this. I have a gift of denial though. I can deny almost anything if I want to. Right up until the very last moment. That is what I am doing today.

I hate being the new guy. I also worry that I’ll get picked last for a team. I have all these visions of junior high gym class where it was horrible. I don’t want to be the weak link on a team. I don’t want to let my teammates down by striking out or dropping a ball or having a heart attack from being out of shape. Give me any situation, I can find a way to be nervous about it. I’ll let you know how it goes.

New Subject -

I don’t know if anyone has noticed yet, but I tend to be a little on the pessimistic side of life. When I think about my life and my past, I always think of the things I wish I had done, or done differently. So I was thinking on the drive home today that I should make a list of all the thought in my head on my blog. I could list everything that I regret, that I missed out on doing, wrong decisions. I would start with the bad list first, of course, because that’s what I always focus on. Then I would do a list of the positives in my life. I know I have some, probably a lot if I sat down and listed them, but they don’t come up when I’m thinking about my life.


I’m not going to do it now because this is already too long, and I need to go get ready to go to the softball thing.

I will leave you with this though... a picture of my new house in the burbs. We will be moving in next weekend. I can’t wait...

I'm so high...

How's that for an attention grabbing title? Huh...?I am here at work, and yes it's true, I have become impaired. I had a root canal yesterday and my dentist is generous with the Vicodin prescriptions. So, I took a couple this morning and then I took two more after lunch. Wow, am I ever fucked up. The good news is that the boss is out sick today, well not such good news for him. I've been thinking about what to post for a while. This may be another one of my rambley ones... you've been warned.

Instead of the usual stuff I write about, I thought that I would share some the things in my life that are giving me pleasure (besides my right hand.) A couple of weeks ago I bought the new "My Chemical Romance" CD. I LOVE it! I listen to it all the time. I also bought an Ipod, I mentioned that before but it's is so great, it's worth mentioning again. I've got all my Cd's loaded onto it. I've got "The Todd & Pony Show" on it. I went over the weekend to Everyday Music, a used music store, and bought 3 Cd's. 2 from my past and the new Josh Groban one. I haven't listened all the way through Josh's yet. What I have heard though is just like the others. I like them, but maybe I was expecting something different. I dunno...

The other 2 are country form the early '90s. I got John Berry and Doug Stone. Do any of you even know who they are? I'll tell the story of why I love John Berry so much. When this CD came out in '93 or '94, my older boy Sam was just getting to the talking stage. The first song on the CD is called "She's Taking a Shine". It is one of my favorite memories from back then, baby Sammy singing at the top of his lungs along with the music. Hearing that from the back seat always made me smile and/or tear up. So I had to buy that one again.

Doug Stone was out at the same time, they kind of are linked in my head with that time in my life, so I bought it also. I am having a great time listening to them and singing along.

My mom and I put an application in on a house that we both really like. We should hear tonight if we're approved. I think we will be, Jason, the property management guy took a liking to us. He said that to 2 of our references already. He seemed like a pretty cool guy too. He will let us keep the dogs (hooray... sarcasm) and I can keep Gary (my cat) but only outside. I'm going to work on him when we sign the papers and try to get him to let Gary in the house. He is a really good cat, the best I've ever had. I have to do right by him.

If this works out, we will move in on March third. I'm 2 weeks away from sleeping in my own bed again. And getting all my stuff out of storage. Another cool thing about this house is it has 3 bedrooms, plus a large office room. Mom was going to split the spare bedroom between her office and beds for the boys when they come home. Now she doesn't have to. There will be a spare room for the boys with their own beds and their own stuff in it. Plus, there will be 2 extra beds for when we have company. My oldest brother spends a couple of weekends a month with us. He has been sleeping on the love seat, but he's probably 5'10", it looks very uncomfortable. Soon he will be able to stretch out and sleep well.

On another note...

I was reading Just Out the other night, and I saw an advertisement for the Gay Softball League. They are having a meet and greet at the end of the month. Especially for new players. I have been thinking about joining since last year when Toddy asked me to. Now the time has arrived and I am nervous as hell. Meeting new people scares the shit out of me. But I really want to meet some new people. It's a catch-22 I tell ya. I need to get some more information about it before it happens.

I am soooo fucked up. As I sit here typing, I can feel myself swaying back and forth. AND OH MY GOD!!!! This vicodin makes me itchy. My nose and my forehead are driving me crazy. I feel like one of those meth people on the TV.

Oh yeah... I forgot the newest thing that is making me happy. I just got Tivo! It is so fucking great. I can't even tell you. Last Thursday I was so tired I was falling asleep in my chair after dinner. But Thursday is a good night for TV. Survivor is back. My Name is Earl and the Office are on at the same time. Then... Grey's Anatomy is on I INTERRUPT THIS SENTENCE TO TELL YOU THAT MOM JUST CALLED AND WE GOT THE HOUSE!!!!! WE SIGN THE PAPERS TOMORROW @ NOON, AND GET THE KEYS ON THE FIRST. FUCKING A!!!

So anyway, I tivo-ed (sp) all of those shows, and went to bed at 7:00 that night. It is so cool. There was nothing on last night, so I caught up on some of what I saved. It was wonderful.


I am so happy now. I would like to go out and have a drink to celebrate, but it's valentines day and I don't wan to be out alone amongst the lovers of the world. Maybe tomorrow night. I'm going to try and finish some work right now, maybe the day will get done faster that way.

hugs... jeffery

Todd & Pony

So things are happening right now, I have stress, of course. I have been called a loser by members of my family. Not using that word, but in essence. And more stuff like that too. I've been up and I've been down. Mostly I just feel stress. But I'm not here about any of that today.

Today I want to talk about my friends Todd and Pony. I don't know Pony all that well, but he is a real nice guy. Don't tell him I said that. I guess I don't know Toddy that well either, but he is one of those people who it feels like you've known forever. I haven't been able to go and see them at the bar lately. I've been busy, but I could have made the time. I have to work on that.

The reason for this post is to thank them for their podcast. www.toddandponyshow.com I listened to the first few podcasts they did before I lost internet access. I thought about posting this then, but you know me, I put it off until I couldn't do it. I recently bought an ipod. Hurray for me joining the 21st century. The first thing I did was to subscribe to the Todd and Pony Show. I have downloaded the last 2 podcasts and I had to work last Saturday all by myself so I was able to listen to them.

I was feeling very stressed and down that day. There is a lot of crap on my shoulders right now, and I've been a bit down. So I am sitting in the back room of the office, building terminals, the boss is in the front office working too. I turned on the show while I was working and I ended up laughing my ass off. I'm a bit of a snorter when I get tickled. So picture me sitting there, it's quiet as a church (I guess) and I let out a snort at something Toddy says. I think I even hooted once. I do that too. What my boss was thinking hearing these noises from the back room I don't know. He didn't say anything about it, but he had to have heard me. Maybe he thinks I am just retarded.

I have decided that I need to listen to the next one with a pencil and pad. They say so much stuff that needs to be commented on, but by the end I can't remember half of it. So I will try to write down my comments for next time.

A few I remember:

the brown ketchup...
the exploding egg... that's when I hooted

That's all I can remember, and there was lot's more that made me laugh. So I have to say to Todd and Andy, thank you for your podcast. Each and ever time I have listened to it it has brought my mood up, usually lasting for the rest of the day. Maybe it's because I know you, I can picture you sitting there as I listen. I know your manerisms and that makes it all the more fun. You guys are great, I look forward to listening every week.

hugs... jeff