I did a bad thing...

And I don't feel guilty for it, and that makes me feel guilty. I know, I'm retarded. I have been arguing with myself all weekend about posting this. I don't want anyone to think bad of me. I can be a little self centered. This is what I did. My uncle had shoulder surgery and is staying a few weeks with my mom until he is better. I had dinner there on Friday night, and when they went out to the back deck for a smoke, I went into the kitchen and ... stole 2 of his pain pills. What kind of sick fuck would do that? I don't feel that bad about it. There was a full bottle of them, with refills, so I know he won't run out, they probably won't even miss them. I was hoping for vicodin, but they were oxycodyn. I remembered when I used to get high, and I thought here is a perfect chance for a one nighter. I was disappointed.

I took the 2 pills as soon as I got home, around 6:30, then settled in front of the computer and waited for them to kick in. It didn't really happen. All it did was make me tired. I didn't feel 'high" at all. So I laid on the couch and watched TV. It did finally kick in sometime during the night. I woke up and had a conversation with my cat. I remember complaining that it wasn't fair for it to take effect while i was sleeping, then I went back to sleep. Overall a let down from what I was expecting.

Then comes the next day. I remeber this feeling from the before time very well. Strung out, tired, unable to concentrate. I was a mess. I had lots of those mornings before, funny how you forget the after effects, but remember the fun. I still am kind of out of it tonight. So, I had a really boring weekend, mostly I laid around and slept. I did work at Bill's and LRS, but other than that, nothing. I was able to catch up on all the shows I taped when the kids were here.

They better not cancel Everwood. I love that show. Plus they are going to have a gay character come out of the closet. I think it will be the new guy that Ephram is tutoring. Yum

24 was awesome! I totally didn't see the President as the bad guy. I thought he was a helpless wimp and the Vice President was bad. Interesting twist.

Desparate Housewives and Grey's Anatomy were good. They pretty much always are. I wish they would show more of Andrew and his boyfriend though. They should get their own spinoff. I would watch it.

I am feeling kind of random tonight. I have been depressed this weekend, but I attribute that more to the drugs than anything else. I have reasons to be down, but the hangover part is making it worse I believe. So I'm not too concerned about it. Plus tomorrow I get to go back to work and be too busy to think about my problems.

I feel like whining, but I don't want to read it back after I do and see how pitiful I am. So, just know that I am whining quietly to myself. There are a couple of people reading this now. How very exciting for me. I read blogs all the time, but I never leave a comment. It is a reward when I get a comment on something like my own personal crap. I should probably start leaving comments on the blogs I read too. I have this irrational fear that they will share what I wrote with their friends and laugh at me. WTF I wouldn't even know it if they did. I hate being a pussy sometimes. Well, most of the time. Who likes to be a pussy?
Pussy is a disturbing word. The more I look at it (the word) the more it doesn't look right. Fecal is another distrubing word. It's all clinical, but still it's just gross. I think I'm losing it. I am going to go to bed now.

Tomorrow will be better. Right? RIGHT? C'mon, at least lie to me...