In Exile... Part Deux

Fucking Verizon. I hate them. Those fuckers! It is now Thursday and I still don't have my internet back. They have been giving me the run around all week. Tomorrow it should be back on. I haven't even had access to a computer until yesterday, and then I didn't have the time write anything. So today I brought in my weekend post on my thunmb drive and posted it (without corrections... sorry) and I will update the rest of the week.

What a bad week to not be able to express myself. It has been very eventful. On Monday and Tuesday I worked up at Bill's house to get the shop up and running. It still needs about a days worth of time before it is functional. Unfortunately, I had to come to the other work on Wednesday.

Even at 5:00 on Tuesday night I told Bill that it didn't feel real to me that it was over. That I wouldn't be coming in to work with him anymore. It is a little upsetting. I have been there for 6 1/2 years. It's very comfortable and he is a great boss. I will miss it, and him. Bill and Brenda took me out to dinner on Tuesday night. We went to Mingo Cafe in Beaverton. I have not been there before. It is an Italian place, kinda hoity toity, well for me at least. The names of the meals on the menu were in Italian, I can't read that. At least the description was in English. Plus there were no prices on the menu. Bill asked what the people next to us ordered, it was the special, so I ordered that too. We had a nice conversation, but we never really said our goodbyes. I wanted to on the way home, but he can't hear in the car, and it would have felt strange talking from the back seat to the front. I have talked to him 3 times since then, I'm sure we will continue our friendship. I really value him. It's going to be very different from now on. Oh yeah, Wednesday morning at the other place, leaving Bill started to feel real, and not so good.

Wednesday wasn't a good day for me. I was down. I think part of the problem is that I lost my job through no fault of my own. I had nothing to do with the decision to change jobs, it is something that happened to me. I don't like that. I still don't have a line on another job. A couple of them said it would be a couple of weeks before they start the process. I will continue to look while I wait.

NOW...

The big news... I went back to Silverado last night with Jason. And we actually stayed for 2 hours! It was much better having someone there with me. I wasn't really uncomfortable at all. Well, that's not entirely true. There were a couple of times when someone made extended eye contact and I panicked and look away, probably with fear in my eyes. But other than that, it was a good time. Jason wanted me to dance. Me. Dance. No fucking way. I told him to go ahead, but he wanted me to go with him. I told him next time, I'm still in the baby step mode. He doesn't really understand how messed up I am about these kinds of things. I think he wanted me to go talk to people, but that is still just too weird/hard for me. I'm sure that once I got started, I would be ok, but getting started is the hurdle I can't overcome yet.

He wants to go back next week, probably on a Friday, when it is really crowded. I am ready to go back with him. He is pretty cool about the whole gay thing. He sat there with me and didn't seem uncomfortable at all. I can't imagine anyone else I know going with me and being that cool about it. Well, no guys, some of the women I know would be ok with it.

Oh, yeah, I almost forgot the best part. At 10:00 they have dancers on the stage. Oh my, the first one was yummy. And the waiter, oh my, all he had on was a little tiny pair of gym shorts, very tight. He was gorgeous. I couldn't help but stare. I don't think they mind. They have to know people are going to look if they dress like that, and look like that.

There were quite a few attractive people. No porn this time, but slide shows of various men, naked, so I guess it was porn. But not anything graphic. Oh well, I have porn at home anyway.

All in all, it was a good time. I'm glad we did it and I'm ready to go again. Jason wants to get a group of people to go, then I won't be as uptight, he thinks. I'm fine with that too. But I need to find an easier way to meet people. There is too much pressure in a bar situation. Or maybe that's just me. :)

Then, today I'm reading the news on CNN.com, and there was an attack in a gay bar last night. In Boston. A guy went in and attacked 3 guys with a hatchet and then with a gun. Jesus Christ. What is wrong with people? I thought hearing something like this would give me second thoughts about going to a gay bar, but it just pisses me off, and makes me want to go more. Fuck those bigots. I spent enough of my life worrying about what others think. ... Pretty strong words from me, now if I just could back them up.

I should be back online at home tonight or tomorrow at the latest. Survivor is back tonight. Got to watch that.

bye...