Tuesday

Clever titles huh? So I didn't post last night like I said I would. Oops. Here is what's happening today. We had a meeting here at the new place, Bill came in for it as well. I miss him, and I think he misses me too. He was telling me that him and Brenda (his wife) don't want me going to the gay bars anymore. They don't want me to get bashed. I told him that I am always aware of that, but I'm not going to let fear stop me from doing what I want.

The reason I started this post is the meeting. I have been feeling really good lately, this morning I was thinking that maybe it isn't so out of the norm anymore for me to feel happy. It looks like it is the depression that is out of the norm now. Of course, I am feeling a little down right now, hence the whining your about to read. The purpose of the meeting today was to talk about the future of this business. All departments had were represented, except mine. There seems to be a positive growth phase for the upcoming year. It looks good for everyone, except me. They were all jazzed up at the end of the meeting, looking forward to the challenges ahead. But all I could think about is that I'm not going to be included in any of it. Not only am I depressed about that, but sitting there with these people, I felt outclassed. My inferiority complex came back today. WTF?

I got holy praise because I arranged the meal for everyone and delivered it to the table. Any idiot can do that. Any idiot can build these things that I build. I'm nothing special here, and I don't like it. I don't like being the low man on the totem pole. I want to be in the hierarchy. I want to be management, but I don't feel like I'm up to the level that management is. Maybe after school??? I hope so.

Still no job prospects. Ehh... I'm going to stop now, cause I'm just complaining. Hopefully it will get better later. My favorite story just posted a new chapter, I can look forward to reading that tonight. And Boston Legal is on. I love William Shatner. He is hilarious. See, I'm feeling better already...