Regrets...

I have some. I stayed home again today. I could have made it today, I'm not really that bad. I made the decision last night before I went to bed. I even wrote the email to my boss then, because in the morning my head is functioning at full speed. After yesterday, I felt ok in the morning, but crashed about lunchtime, I didn't want to go through that again. So I stayed home today. I don't feel too bad, I'm not well yet, but I could certainly work. (frustrated with myself)

Right now my biggest is yesterdays post. WTF was I thinking? That whole Tim thing was supposed to go to the grave with me. I don't know why I wrote that, other than he has been on my mind a lot. I can't stress enough how perfect he was/is. Because I want too, here is a story about him.

*THIS SECTION DELETED FOR NOW*

Maybe I will continue the story later. It is kind of nice to get it out, even if no one knows it.

On a different note, I am kind of down today. I haven't heard anything back form any of the resumes I sent out. I am really getting scared about being out of work. What am I going to do? Should I just settle for any job I can get? Take a pay cut? Wait it out on unemployment? How does that look to future employers, not having a job? It's good to be working when you switch jobs, although it's not my fault I was laid off. Fuck. I am lost here. Today is not good day. I hope part is because I feel guilty about not going to work today. And that my head still feels sick. I hope I'm not on another downward spiral. I'm going to lie on the couch and watch a movie. Maybe sleep. Sleeping so ,much worries me. It is a sign of growing depression. I'm going to pretend that it is from being sick that I am sleeping so much. Not depression. I hope...