so tired

I have been really tired this week. Maybe it has to do with eating real food. After dinner, when I'm sitting and talking with my mom, I start to get tired. I am really tired. I didn't even watch Lost last night, I taped it and went to bed at 9:00. I haven't been to bed that early in years. I'm going to sleep early again tonight, at 10:00, after that new show Crumbs. I'm not sure if I like it or not yet, but it has a gay character on it so I like to see how they portray that.

It is bothering me that I don't have a life. Sitting here in front of the mac is not very fulfilling. I'm bored and lonely. I left word for Jason (my niece's husband) to call me. He will go out with me and then I won't be stuck at home. I'm thinking about joining some kind of volunteer organization. I was going to do that last year, but i got too busy with school and a second job. Right now I have plenty of spare time on my hands, maybe if I am helping someone else, it will help me too. After all, it's all about me.

This job thing is starting to bother me. Not a lot, but there is a little nagging going on in the back of my mind. I will be able to collect unemployment, but it won't be half as much as I make now. The big question is do i wait a couple of months for the right job, or panic and take the first thing that I can find. That is what I would do in the past. Am I adventurous enough to go without work for a while? I don't know. Now would be the time to do it. Without the boys here, just myself to look after. I think I could cut back enough to scrape by.

I occurs to me that I haven't yet mentioned my mood today. It is good, thank you. Maybe I'm getting used to being in a good mood now, and it doesn't occur to me to write it down as the first part of my entry. I will say that as i sat here at the computer tonight, my mood decreased a little because I am lonely and want to have a life. But it didn't go all the way to depression. Just a little down, and then it went back to normal. I didn't even notice the change. How weird. I'm used to being able to know when my mood changes.

I have a great cat, Gary. He is sleeping on the bed next to me. All stretched out. He's big. And orange. I have a thing for orange tabby cats. I always have.

Crumbs is on... gotta go...